28 4 / 2011

Working in magazine publishing it’s pretty obvious that the office is NOT the place to look for men. My office is populated with tons of beautiful high-heel clad women all discussing their relationships and dating exploits. If there is a man present in this circle he’s pretty much always gay. It’s just the industry. You accept it and seek out companionship elsewhere.

I found a loophole at my new publisher. Men’s fitness magazines have some straight men! At least I think so. and a few minutes ago I just broke through and spoke to one. In the elevator. GO me points! How many times have you wanted to talk to a hottie in elevator and just couldn’t muster the courage..

It’s 5:30pm at work and most people are leaving the office. I hit the elevator to go up, a man walks into the elevator bank obviously leaving for the day. He accidentally gets into my elevator going up. When he realizes he says, “oh this is going up?” and looks at me. I smile and casually reply, “I just thought you wanted to keep me company.” We ride together.. My floor dings… he says, “well this was nice” and smiles. I say ‘good night’

end scene… contact with opposite sex made.. success.

28 4 / 2011

Scene of the Crime: Back Room April 2nd, 2011 Robert Gil’s 27th Birthday Party

I met Larry on April 2nd, 2011 just after midnight at a swanky bar. I handed him a  carbomb cupcake I had made for the birthday boy. He ate it. I went to the bar to get my cousin and I another drink. Larry followed. He stood behind me and kissed/nibbled on my shoulder. I was surprised but went with it. I ordered two shots of patron, a drink for my cousin and two bagged beers. Larry threw down $20. We drank shots.. and returned to the group.

I ask an acquaintance to introduce himself to Larry.. because I had forgotten Larry’s name and didn’t want to be rude. I am still not sure if his name is Larry or Barry.. I ask my cousin to confirm. She says Larry.

At some point after this I’m making out with Larry.. My friend Rob, (whose birthday party it is) drunkenly reaffirms that ‘Larry is a cool guy.. hang out with Larry.. yeah he’s cool.’ So ok.. we make out. I forget that I’m wearing bright red lipstick which smears all over my face.. and I assume his judging by my appearence in the mirror the following morning.

Larry tries to come home with me, he repeatedly urges ‘going back to your place.’ He must assume I have some swanky pad in the city.  I leave, sans-larry and proceed home. I don’t really remember how I left him.

I fall asleep in my bed with my clothes half on. Bra still on but unclipped, tights but no dress. I wake up to a half eaten bowl of mac and cheese (which I proceed to finish), a tremendous hangover, and after looking in the mirror I can only laugh at my reflection. Because of the making out and red lipstick I appear to be a prettier version of the joker after an all night bender. Lipstick is all over my face. I chuckle assuming the boy I made out with left the bar with no idea and red lipstick all over his face.

I have to text my cousin to confirm who I was making out with because I can’t remember if it was Larry or the person standing next to said Larry. She confirms.. yes you made out with Larry.

I wait for Monday when my friend Rob can approach Larry about the hilarity that had ensued that past Friday night. But Alas.. Larry doesn’t remember me.. .f-ing larry..

16 3 / 2011

So I had a plan with my DJ date (momfoku milk bar remember?) We had been chatting and flirting pretty much on the regular and after deciding relationship potential really wasn’t there considered a possible hookup.

We should also mention that we have not kissed being that I never kiss on the first date.

So he wanted to come over and ‘just cuddle’ which i felt was really opening the floodgates to a whole mess of possibilities. He proposed Sunday night for a sleepover and I said I would text and let him know.

Monday when I text asking how his weekend went I get this back, “Sorry just have to be honest, I’m sort of seeing someone on the regular now.”

lol.. the day before you wanted to come over for a quick ‘cuddle and bang’ talk about a turn around.

My plan for this Saturday had been.. visit him DJing in BKlyn with a shots of confidence in me, possibly makeout and see if there was just a physical connection… but guess that’s off the table now…

So Saturday the manhunt is back on!

12 3 / 2011

Curled up in bed loving this book. I adore lazy Saturdays

11 3 / 2011

Step 1: Get Hipster Haircut perhaps with bangs

Step 2: Don’t really wash it

Step 3: Shop at Anthropologie, Urban and Brooklyn Industries

Step 4: Tell everyone you’re wearing ‘vintage’

Step 5: Become vegan.. or at least vegetarian

Step 6: Get really big looking awesome headphones to wear on subway

Step 7: ‘Accidentally’ rip your tights

Step 8: Pout, don’t smile

Step 9: If you’re a man, make sure your pants are tighter than your girlfriends

Step 10: At the bar, hold a can of PBR or Porkslap in your hand, drinking optional

09 3 / 2011

This came on while I was on my second loop around the park this morning. Funny how strongly we associate songs with people. My 14 year old boyfriend popped right into my head. I think he knew all the words at one point..

08 3 / 2011

So my infamous night of sleeping in the bathtub also came with some cuts and bruises. One huge mysterious gash on my knee for instance. I’ve been applying bandages everyday for the last week and today I had my first art meeting with the head honcho.

I sit down.. cross my legs and BAM hit my injured knee into the corner of the desk. I bite my lip, finish the meeting and leave to discover I have reopened the wound and am bleeding.

I guess I’m really paying for that night still a week later. Klutz Klassic for me.

08 3 / 2011

I went on a date last night at this very cool neighborhood wine bar. Of course I always go there for the beer. i got there ontime, which apparently was 15 minutes too early and ordered a delicious double chocolate stout. I was halfway through when my date arrived.

He asked me if i could recommend a white wine for him and I said I don’t really drink white he should ask the very well informed owner what to drink. So he held up his hand! and the owner came over.

He proceeded to ask for a sweet white wine.. the owner suggested Reisling, Cava or Prosecco..so while I had my very manly stout beer my date sat across from me with a class of champagne.. and I forgot to cheers him.

Date got better as it went along, we shared a panini, (all cheese.. when he said he was semi kosher he kind of really meant kosher in my book.. i had been looking at the panini with serrano ham and manchego cheese!) and took a walk around the park. He talked alot!! In fact I almost felt like we were both just waiting for our chance to talk and tell our stories.. not really a great date in my book when I look back on it.

Not really my type but turns out he went on two dates with a girl I knew back in college.. small world.

And Hello Tuesday!

07 3 / 2011

I’ve been talking back and forth with this guy and he seemed normal and cool and last night he called me up to schedule our first date and I was just soooo turned off.. Can I cancel our imminent meeting after just only a phone call?

Things he said that super turned me off:

He prefers to run indoors on a treadmill in his apartment, then outside

He convinced his parents to buy him a car, and he only has to buy gas

He doesn’t laugh


He did pick a bar in my ‘hood though and it’s near where I had to get groceries anyway.. I guess I just give him an hour of my time right?

06 3 / 2011

Remember NipTuck? Great show. I”m always tempted to utter this line when I go on a date. You sit down across from someone you don’t know, you stare.. and these words are always itching to come out.. but I haven’t had the cajones to do so yet. I worry they may not get the reference…

My head cracks me up sometimes